Shame and OCD
Learning about and beginning to understand your OCD is one of the first steps to letting go of the shame. With an OCD specialist you will work on treating your OCD, grieving the losses that have come with this diagnosis and through self compassion develop a better relationship with yourself.
It is very rare to treat someone who suffers from OCD who doesn't also struggle with shame. There are many ways that shame shows up and impacts life. Perfectionism frequently goes hand in hand with OCD. This shows up as having a bunch of rules and expectations for how you should and should not be. Often the expectations and rules aren't realistic to follow and when inevitably you fall short of one or more of the shoulds or musts, the self criticism and shame increases. For many individuals with OCD from a young age they have struggled with these constant rules and expectations leading to an ever growing shame story. A shame story is the story of why the person is not good enough and often includes all the ways the person has or could fail. It is important to address this story in OCD treatment and work towards a more compassionate and realistic view of yourself and the world.
Sometimes the content of the intrusive thoughts can feel shameful and because of the nature of OCD the intrusive thoughts can lead to doubts about who you are as a person. For example a client who experiences Harm OCD gets intrusive thoughts related to hurting themselves and others which feel very distressing, scary, and goes against what their true desires and intentions are. Unfortunately, OCD is tricky and the individual will begin to doubt themselves. Harm OCD thoughts can sound like “I just had a thought about how I could stab myself with this steak knife, what if that means that I am secretly suicidal,” “I've heard of people who just snapped and murdered their spouse, what if that could happen to me,” and “even though the thought of sexually assaulting someone is so repulsive to me, what if I got turned on when I was thinking about it” and so many more. It is scary experiencing these thoughts and often worrying about what others would think if they knew about the thoughts lead to suffering in silence. It is heartbreaking to think of the many individuals who struggle with these thoughts and don't know that it is OCD yet. I am sad to think of the shame and self hatred many individuals with harm OCD have and are enduring. By talking about these thoughts and learning about OCD with an OCD therapist, the shame can begin to diminish.
Another area that frequently brings shame for individuals with OCD is the ways in which OCD impacts relationships. OCD will always try to take more and more and often that means life gradually looks different for the individual struggling with it and their loved ones. The longer OCD has been there the more time, attention, effort and interference it will have for the individual and others in their life such as family members, friends, coworkers etc. It can also be really hard to explain and have others understand why OCD is causing so much distress. Loved ones sometimes struggle to understand and validate the challenges OCD is causing. I often relate it to seeing fires and feeling the urgency and need to put out the fire, but no one else can see the fire and it's a fire that no matter how many times it's put out, keeps reigniting. It can feel really lonely and like you are crazy to be so anxious about something others don't understand. You may even on some level know the fire isn't real, but the fear, urgency, and underlying fear of what if this is the time the fire is real keeps you stuck trying to protect yourself and everyone else from these fires. Compulsions, avoidances, and the content of the intrusive thoughts can all contribute to the shame story. Learning about and beginning to understand your OCD is one of the first steps to letting go of the shame. With an OCD specialist you will work on treating your OCD, grieving the losses that have come with this diagnosis and through self compassion develop a better relationship with yourself. If you are interested in working with me on this journey then please reach out to schedule a free consultation.
